


Dying in L.A.

by LCdr_daddy



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Anal Plugs, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Collars, Daddy Kink, Dildos, Dom/sub, Drinking, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Consent, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Julian's Parents Are Dicks, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Paddling, Recreational Drug Use, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, background Jadzia/Leeta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-08 17:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LCdr_daddy/pseuds/LCdr_daddy
Summary: Julian is a surgical resident at UCLA. His close friend and roommate Jadzia convinces him to attend a New Year's party out in the desert, where he meets Garak. Their relationship develops as Julian works through his residency and his own anxieties.All titles are pulled from the P!@TD albums Pray for the Wicked, Death of a Bachelor, and Too Weird to Live Too Young to Die





	1. Collar Full

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The where Jadzia is the best bro

Julian stared out the window of the Jeep, watching as the scenery transitioned from the forest of buildings in Los Angeles to less dense suburbs and finally into the open expanse of desert. He thought there was a metaphor somewhere in that transition, but didn't spend much time thinking about it. Instead, he shifted in his seat and pressed his body against the door. Maybe, if he closed his eyes, he could sneak in a nap before they arrived. 

Jadzia turned the heater up as she drove. Even though it hadn't really been cold in the city when they left, the temperature was dropping steadily as they climbed in elevation. 

He wasn't quite sure why he agreed to come along. 

Normally, Julian was quite the fan of parties and relished any opportunity to meet new people and maybe - definitely - flirt with a few of them. But he'd been feeling a bit down lately. Maybe his rotation in NICU was wearing on him. Julian knew the importance of work in NICU, knew that saving tiny babies could be the most rewarding experience. That didn’t make it any easier.

Jadzia, ever the good friend, had noticed Julian’s downshift in mood and invited him out. Well, invited was the gentle way of putting it. It had really been more of a relentless badgering - “Come _on_ , Julian, let's get out of the city. A party will be fun! It's out in the middle of nowhere, I bet we can do all sorts of crazy things. You're coming to the party, right? You know that sitting on your ass and moping around is the leading cause not getting any.” - until Julian heaved a sigh and agreed. He knew that she was looking out for him in her own way, and he appreciated her for it. 

Julian was vaguely aware of a pop-ish song playing on the radio. Knowing Jadzia, it was from an obscure band somewhere in South America. She was much more traveled than him. It only made sense. Jadzia was, after all, from the Trill homeworld and had crossed a large expanse of the galaxy to be here. Julian found himself endlessly fascinated with the stories from her adventures on the journey to Earth and her exploration of the planet after her arrival, with just a twinge of jealousy for the experiences she’d already had. 

A punch to the arm brought Julian back into the moment and out of his head. 

"Come on, Julian! Get excited! The party is going to be great. Lots of booze, lots of illegal fireworks, lots of pretty girls." She winked at him with a bright smile. "Probably some pretty boys, too." 

He offered her a smile, knowing that it wouldn't convince her. 

Once upon a time, back in undergrad, Julian had fallen in love with Jadzia's smile. With her laugh. With the spots that marked her as Trill. 

That felt like a lifetime ago. 

They'd since developed a deep friendship, and Julian was thankful for it. They bonded over their shared desire to explore the world and beyond, and their shared zest for life. Jadzia's zest sometimes bordered on hedonism. But that pushed Julian out of his comfort zone and into deeper enjoyment. 

She punched him again. 

This time, Julian laughed a little and offered a more sincere smile. "I do appreciate you getting me to come out tonight. Perhaps the party is just what I need to forget about the stress of being a medical resident." 

Jadzia grinned back at him. 

As the Jeep continued to climb to higher elevations and the landscape became increasingly more sparse, Julian found himself twinging with just a touch of inherited homesickness. Although he had grown up in the UK, his blood still recognized his historical ties to the desert. He could almost feel his blood singing the song of some long gone relatives who had wandered the Arabian desert. 

The temperature dropped more. Jadzia turned the heat up higher as Julian shuffled around with his stuff strewn about the back seat, searching for his sweater. 

Finally, they spotted the turn off marked by gold and black balloons. They turned onto what was really more of a dirt path than a road and followed it even higher up. 

New Year's in the high desert would be cold but undeniably beautiful. 

"Remind me how we got invited to this party?" Julian asked. His tone was genuinely curious, rather than slightly accusatory as one would normally expect with that question. People had accused Julian of being overly blunt, but he tried to soften it in his tone even if he couldn't bring himself to change the... efficiency of his word choice.

"The host is a friend of someone from my PhD program and has an open door policy with parties." 

Julian nodded and shifted in his seat. The house was coming into view ahead of them. 'House' was really under-selling it. 'Estate' was far more accurate. 

A large rectangular building jutted from the earth. The walls were black and almost impossibly smooth, with windows covering large expanses. Open air walkways led into an inner courtyard which was lush with greenery. The property surrounding the house was just as sparse as the rest of the desert, but one could see for miles all around. 

Jadzia whistled at the impressive sight. She drove the Jeep around back and parked it near the other cars already there. 

"This is going to be awesome," she said salaciously, and Julian had to agree. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The sun had fully set a few hours ago, but midnight was still a few more hours off. At such a high elevation and with little natural vegetation in the area, the air was almost painfully cold. 

Julian hadn't spent much time in the house yet, electing instead to sit at the fire pit and chat with some folks he recognized from undergrad. Finally, though, the cold was seeping into his bones faster than the fire could warm him. 

And he was hungry. 

He excused himself from the conversation and made his way into the house. 

Heat enveloped him suddenly and oppressively. It had been cold outside, but even accounting for the adjustment it felt hotter than reasonable. Julian quickly peeled off the coat he'd donned, and the sweater underneath, and hung them in a closet. He mindlessly smoothed his slacks and rolled up the sleeves of his dusty rose button down. That was a bit cooler, though still rather warmer that was strictly comfortable. 

"Julian!" 

Jadzia's cheery, less-than-sober voice cut through sounds of other conversations. He turned towards the voice with an amused smile. His friend had also removed her warmer layers of clothing, leaving a soft teal dress that draped perfectly over Jadzia's form and left little wonder about how far those Trill spots went. 

"Glad to see you've finally decided to join the real party! Come on, let me introduce you to the host and get you a drink." She slipped her arm through his and dragged him farther into the house. 

Julian laughed. "Food as well? I'm famished." 

Jadzia just nodded and continued to pull him towards the kitchen. 

The inside of the house was just as beautiful and smooth as the exterior. Everything was in shades of brown and red, just a few splashes of blues and greens and purples for contrast. It all looked very much like late sunset in the desert, and must look stunning as light streamed in through the numerous large windows. 

"Julian Bashir, allow me to introduce you to Kelas Parmak, our gracious host for the evening." 

He brought his gaze away from the decor and towards the person he was being introduced to. 

A Cardassian.

That was… unexpected. 

Julian smiled and extended his hand in the traditional Terran greeting. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Parmak. Your home is breathtaking." 

A smooth palm met his, surprisingly cool despite the heat in the house. 

_Ah, that makes sense, then_ , Julian thought to himself.

"Please, call me Kelas." The Cardassian man offered him a warm smile in return. "Thank you, Julian. Our friend Jadzia tells me you're currently in your residency, is that right?" 

Julian turned his towards Jadzia, who offered him a grin as she slipped away, presumably to get drinks. 

"Yes, I am. I'm currently in my NICU rotation." 

Kelas sensed the slight tension in the young doctor's voice. "You don't feel that NICU is the department for you, I gather?" He motioned for Julian to follow him towards the inner courtyard. 

"Not really, no," he said. "I understand that it's important work, maybe some of the most important work we can be doing, but being around such sick infants can be… emotionally taxing." 

The courtyard was warm enough to be comfortable thanks to several heat lamps around the perimeter. Kelas steered them towards a few open patio chairs and sat down carefully. Julian sat in an adjacent chair and let himself finally take in his conversation partner. 

Soft white hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, ending just below shoulder blades. A shirt that may have once been black hung loosely around a broad but firm torso, neckline settling across the unmistakably Cardassian neck ridges. Khaki cargo shorts - practical. Birkenstocks. 

Julian smiled to himself, amused to find an older Cardassian fully embodying the old California hippie vibe. 

"Caring for sick babies certainly requires a specific personality. It's not easy holding such a delicate young life and knowing that, even with all the proper medical care, that life may end too soon." A distant, shadowy look settled across Kelas' face. 

"Kelas?" Julian's voice was gentle, careful to keep his tone neutral so as not to startle his acquaintance from whatever thoughts had taken him. He instinctively reached his hand to the other man's forearm and squeezed lightly. 

Grey eyes refocused on Julian. The gloomy look passed, softening.

"Do forgive me, Julian. I was a doctor in the Cardassian Union, and some memories never leave, despite years and light-years between you and them. I suppose that is part of what shapes us as physicians, isn't it?" 

Julian nodded, forcing himself not to think of what he'd seen already in his residency. 

"Do you have an idea of which specialty you'd rather pursue?" Kelas asked, gently guiding the conversation away from his own memories.

"Yes. I've always been drawn to trauma surgery. There's something so exciting and important-feeling about handling such intense and often challenging cases, not to mention potentially being on the frontier. A real chance to see the world, or the galaxy, to be right in the heart of it all and helping those who make our exploration possible." He knew he was babbling.

Kelas nodded, a knowing look on his face. He couldn't fault the young doctor's excitement, but Kelas nevertheless posed a question. “I wonder, Julian, if you might eventually come to find being right on the frontier to be just as taxing as working with sick infants?”

"It rather sounds like you have a thirst for adventure," a new voice cut in smoothly.

A firm hand came to rest on Julian's shoulder, pausing there for a moment. His heart jumped a little and he turned to face the newcomer. Another Cardassian man was smiling down at him, although the smile hardly looked friendly. Intense blue eyes seemed to pierce right through his soul. 

As the other man moved around to take the unoccupied seat next to Julian, he kept his hand on Julian's shoulder, letting his fingertips trail across the shoulder and down his bicep. Once seated, the Cardassian settled both of his hands in his own lap. 

Julian struggled to contain the shiver that had run through his spine at the contact. Despite the increase in his heart rate and what must have been a very obvious blush creeping into his golden skin, he did his best to offer a calm but friendly look. 

"Ah, Garak. This is Doctor Julian Bashir. Julian, this is Elim Garak, my friend and housemate." 

Garak was younger than Kelas, but still older than Julian, perhaps in his late 30s or early 40s. His feathery black hair was carefully swept back. The neckline of his shirt was far more daring than Kelas’, exposing a fair amount of neck ridge, although it was quite flattering. Julian quickly noticed that Garak appeared to be rather fashionable, in fact, and the whole outfit seemed meant to be flattering and slightly provocative. 

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Garak," Julian said, once again offering his hand in greeting. 

"Oh, please, just Garak. Plain, simple, Garak. The pleasure is all mine, doctor." Garak accepted Julian's handshake, that unsettling smile fixed on Garak’s face. Julian couldn't help but feel that there was danger in that smile. 

Again, Julian felt his heart jump at the contact. Julian drew his hand back, hoping it wasn't such a quick motion as to be offensive. He found himself fiddling with the collar of his shirt.

_Well, this is interesting…_ he thought, sparks dancing across his skin.


	2. Casual Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Julian flirts accidentally on purpose

“How can you possibly say that?!” 

Julian knew his voice was louder than necessary, but he couldn't help himself. 

“Do you feel that yelling will change my mind, Doctor Bashir?” Garak was simpering. Julian actually felt the sudden increase in his heart rate. “It's a simple analysis of characteristics, not so different from the way you'd diagnose a patient. In any case, it's hardly a criticism, just an observation.” 

“Garak, the Federation is not a fascist regime.” 

“Are you quite sure? Perhaps your judgement is clouded by the ideological indoctrination you've been subjected to since your birth.” 

“That's rather the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? The defining Cardassian characteristic is service and loyalty to the State above all else.” 

He could feel a flush on his face, though he wasn't sure if it was from the heated argument or residual from the earlier unexpected spark. Still, he felt excited. It wasn't often that Julian found a conversational partner that not only matched him but challenged him as well. 

Garak's smile shifted, suddenly more predatory. 

“A fair point, doctor. Perhaps we are both, in fact, citizens of fascist nations.” The Cardassian shifted in his chair, his gaze traveling the perimeter of the courtyard. After a moment, he settled those shocking blue eyes on Julian once more. “Forgive me, doctor, but I must excuse myself. It's becoming too cold for me, even with the heat lamps.” 

He stood up to leave. Years of etiquette training kicked in and Julian stood as well. Garak closed the distance between them, placing his hand on Julian's shoulder once more. 

Julian inhaled sharply but didn't move away.

Suddenly, Garak's mouth was almost grazing his ear. “I did so enjoy our conversation, my dear.” The hand moved smoothly from shoulder to neck with just enough pressure to feel a hint of danger. 

Before Julian could process the interaction, let alone respond, Garak released his hold and walked back into the house. 

He stood alone in the garden for several long moments, eyes fixed on the door where Garak had exited. 

When his stomach growled, he shook his head and walked back into the house. Hadn't Jadzia gone to get food and drinks? He grabbed his phone from his pocket and realized that more than an hour had passed since Jadzia has left him with Kelas. 

He would have to apologize to Kelas - he must have left at some point when the conversation with Garak had become heated.

As he walked through the kitchen, he grabbed a small plate and piled it with various finger foods to eat as he looked for Jadzia.

Despite the expanse of the house, it was rather easy to navigate. The floor plan was quite open, and really it was just one large rectangular path. 

Julian was munching on crisp, fresh vegetables when he found his friend. 

She was tangled up with a lovely Bajoran woman on a chaise lounge, both of them fully absorbed in a heated make out session. 

Not risking another crunchy bite, Julian turned on his heels and walked back towards the kitchen. 

_Good for her_ , he thought. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Wrapped up once more in his layers, Julian leaned back in his chair and happily absorbed the heat from the fire. Above him, fireworks danced in colorful displays that almost eclipsed the static brilliance of the stars. 

He felt serene. 

The cold of desert winter was a welcome sensation on his skin after earlier events, and he had adjusted the distance between his chair and the fire pit until he found just the right spot to balance the soothing cold with necessary warmth. 

Julian inhaled slowly, letting the icy sensation fill his lungs. 

“Hey, Julian.” The calm satisfaction in Jadzia’s voice mirrored Julian's own feeling. Julian turned to greet her and spotted the Bajoran woman that she had been tangled up with earlier. Jadzia was gently pulling her along, fingers laced together. Both women had a slight flush on their cheeks. Whether it was from their earlier activities or from the cold was unclear. He supposed it didn't really matter.

“Hello, Jadzia,” Julian said warmly.

“Hi, I'm Leeta.” 

Julian stood and up offered his hand in greeting. “Hello, Leeta. You look familiar.” 

“Oh, I'm a student at UCLA! We probably crossed paths at some point. I'm getting my PhD in sociology.” Her smile was bright and proud.

“That's wonderful,” Julian said sincerely. He turned back towards Jadzia with mildly teasing look. “Whatever happened to getting us drinks and food?” 

Jadzia returned the teasing look. “Well, I did get food and drinks for us. But when I came to find you in the courtyard, Kelas had gone and you were balls-deep in a flirting match with Garak. I didn't want to interrupt.” 

Julian flushed. “Jadzia, that wasn't flirting. We were having a heated debate!”

“Oh, Julian,” she said in that way usually reserved for someone being exceptionally oblivious. 

“That's how Cardassians flirt, Julian,” Leeta added knowingly. “And from what Jadzia described, it sounds like you two were this close,” she held her thumb and forefinger up, just a hairsbreadth apart, “to declaring your betrothal.” 

The flush on Julian's face deepened. 

Jadzia punched his arm lightly. It startled a laugh out of Julian, and he felt himself relax a bit. 

“Julian, I love you dearly, but sometimes you're a total ditz,” Jadzia said with an almost motherly tone. “If you didn't mean to flirt with Garak, don't worry. I'm sure he knows that most humans aren't privy to Cardassian mating rituals, and he probably won't hold you accountable for getting him hot and bothered.” A grin took up most of her face. 

“I never said I didn't mean to flirt with him, Jadiza, I just didn't know that's what that was!” 

“Well, here's your second chance,” Leeta said, gently shoving Julian backwards. 

Thankful for his exceptionally good balance, Julian swore under his breath but didn't fall. He looked towards Jadzia and Leeta, ready to give them both an earful, but a familiar sensation froze him place. 

“Hello, doctor. How pleasant to see you again.” A squeeze to his shoulder. Sparks on his skin. 

He turned around slowly, aware of how close he was to the sturdy body in front of him. Garak’s hand left his shoulder and settled into to a pocket of the coat he had donned. 

“Oh, hello, Garak,” he said, trying to sound less surprised than he was. 

“Your lovely friends appear to find something amusing,” Garak said casually. “Would you care to introduce me?”

Julian glanced over his shoulder. Jadzia and Leeta were both sporting shit-eating grins. He glared at them. Jadzia winked at him before taking Leeta’s hand and pulling her away. 

“Ah, another time, perhaps,” Julian said hurriedly, head still turned towards his friends.

“I find something amusing as well.” The voice was close to his ear, register low enough that Julian was the only one who could hear it. 

The flush creeped back onto his cheeks. Garak's hand was on his shoulder again.

_Come on, Julian. This is what you're good at. Take control of the situation._ He inhaled slowly, willing the flush away before he returned his focus to Garak. 

“I’m afraid that I don’t know much about Cardassian culture. Are celebrations like this common among your people?”

“It’s no surprise that your knowledge of Cardassian culture is lacking. Unfortunate, but not surprising. We are, after all, quite excellent at keeping secrets from those who might use them against us,” Garak said matter-of-factly. He moved so that he was standing next to Julian, rather than in front of him. Julian turned so he was facing the same direction as Garak. “Celebrations aren’t especially common. They’re often seen as being distractions from devotion to the State. We do, however, celebrate a few things. Significant birthdays, the anniversary of the founding of the Union.” 

“Then why host a party for Terran New Year?” 

Garak stepped towards an open seat near the fire pit. Julian followed a few steps behind.

“As you may have noticed, doctor, Kelas and I are not on a Cardassian planet,” Garak said as he sat. “We’ve lived here a handful of years, and Kelas has developed a taste for Terran celebrations and traditions. Parties such as this aren’t really to my own tastes, and I find celebrating something such as a ‘new year’ to be a tad arbitrary.” He motioned for Julian to take the adjacent seat.

“Many people view New Year’s as a chance for new beginnings,” Julian said, daring to lean a centimeter closer. 

“Why should a person wait until an arbitrarily decided date to try something new or make significant changes in their life? We are all continuously living and should seek to make the most of our experience.” Garak paused and turned to face Julian more fully, a conspiratorial smile on his lips. “I rather think that New Year’s is just an excuse for humans to engage in the debauchery you’re so fond of.” 

“Debauchery? What do you mean?” Julian’s voice was taking a slightly harsher tone, and Garak picked up on it. 

“Drinking to excess. Shooting off illegal explosives to produce colorful displays. Engaging in casual affairs. It’s all rather frivolous and debauched.” Garak raised his eye ridges before adding, “Hardly proper behavior.”

“It sounds to me like ‘making the most of our experience’. Seeking enjoyment isn’t debauched, it’s perfectly normal human behavior. Why should life be dull and overly-disciplined when we could be finding pleasure instead? Many of our greatest creative progresses come from engaging in what you apparently consider debaucherous behavior.” He could feel the heat rising to his face again, partially from the fire and partially from the discussion. 

Mostly from the predatory smile that Garak was giving him.

“Oh, my dear doctor, if you only knew what great things can arise from proper discipline.”


	3. High Hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Julian is actually a peacock

Julian wanted to think about what had led to this moment. He wanted to play it back in his mind and relive it. But he just couldn’t think like this.

He inhaled sharply as a new sensation raced across his skin and changed his mind. He didn’t want to think, he just wanted feel.

Long fingers traced along Julian’s spine, nails just scratching into his skin. Julian arched his back to press into Garak's hand.

A sincere smile played at the edge of Garak’s lips. He leaned forward, pressing his still clothed body against Julian’s naked flesh. A hand trailed somewhat aimlessly across bare skin as Garak pressed his mouth close to Julian’s ear. “Are you still sure this is something you want, my dear?”

Julian nodded fiercely. 

“Ah ah, my dear,” Garak whispered, running fingers through thick, dark hair. He grabbed a handful and pulled just hard enough to draw out another sharped inhale, bringing Julian’s head up towards Garak’s shoulder. “I need to hear you say it, Julian.” 

Sparks were crackling all over his skin. Hell, there were even sparks in his blood. He exhaled slowly, tried to turn his head so he could see Garak. The grip on his hair tightened, holding him exactly in place. 

“Yes, Garak, please. I want it. I want you to show me what comes from proper discipline.” He knew his voice sounded desperate. 

A low chuckle rumbled through Garak. Pressed together like this, Julian could feel the laughter in his own body and pressed himself even more into Garak. 

“Good boy. You remember the safe word?” 

“Kukalaka,” he said firmly. 

Garak pressed a rough kiss into his neck, releasing his grip on Julian’s hair. “Excellent,” he said, the word dripping with delicious danger. 

A blindfold settled over Julian’s eyes. Dutifully, he held still as Garak to tied it in place. Then, he waited. Seconds ticked by. Even though he already couldn’t see, he closed his eyes and focused on the sensations he could feel. His torso and the front of his thighs were pressed into a soft, silky duvet cover as he leaned over a large bed. The carpet under his feet was luxuriously plush. Unsurprisingly, the room was quite warm to suit his Cardassian disciplinarian. 

He could smell a spicy, floral scent which he recognized must be from some product Garak used.

He shifted his focus to what he could hear. It was mostly his own breathing. Vaguely, he could hear the ambient sounds of the heating system. Even more distantly, he could hear the sounds of the party. 

What he couldn’t hear unsettled him. 

Julian had exceptional hearing, and there was no way Garak could be this silent. He stilled his own breathing and tried to filter through the unimportant noises. Still, he couldn’t hear a sound that could be attributed to Garak. Julian opened his mouth to ask Garak if he was still there. Instead of a question, a gasp spilled forth as he felt a sudden sting on his bum. 

Instinctively, he reached a hand to rub the upset flesh. A firm hand gripped his wrist and held him in place. “Ah ah, Julian. You are to keep your hands under your shoulders. If you can’t do this, I will tie them to the headboard.” 

Julian swallowed and returned his hand to its original position. 

“Good,” Garak murmured, running his own soothing hand over the stinging skin. “I expect you to stay perfectly in place. You will not speak, except to say ‘yes, Garak’, your safe word, or if I specifically direct you to speak. You will take what I gave you. Do you understand, Julian?” 

“Yes, Garak,” he replied, voice betraying his anticipation. 

Another low, rumbling laugh. “Good. I have high hopes for you, dear boy.” 

The soothing hand trailed off. 

“Now, whatever am I disciplining you for, my dear? Your apparent blind loyalty to the Federation?” Another sharp sting as Garak smacked him. “Insulting the Cardassian Union?” Another. “Brazen flirting and utterly debauched behavior?” Two more blows to the same spot. Julian let out a whimper, pressing his face into his arm. 

Garak ran his fingers through Julian’s hair again. In anticipation of another grip, Julian tensed. Instead, Garak let his fingers comb through gently and trace once more down Julian’s spine. His muscles relaxed into the sensation, body pressing gently into the scaled hand. A slight smile bloomed on his mouth as he imagined how feline he must look at the moment. 

“Count them, Julian.” 

As each strike landed, Julian counted, swallowing little yelps. At eleven, the yelps turned to whimpers. 

At twenty, Garak stopped. He ran one hand soothingly over the angry flesh and leaned down until Julian could feel warm breath on his ear. 

“How are you, Julian?” Garak's voice was tender but retained an air of authority. He received a muffled response. Unsurprising, as Julian's face was buried in the duvet. “I didn't catch that, dear boy. You'll speak clearly when I address you.” 

The hand that had been soothing Julian's bottom vanished. He anticipated another strike. Instead, Julian felt Garak sit on the bed by his side. A hand snaked between Julian's head and the duvet, cupping his chin and turning it towards where Garak was seated. 

Still blindfolded, Julian inclined his head towards where he calculated Garak's face would be. He wanted to respond, to tell Garak about the thrill he was feeling, about the pure electricity coursing through his blood, to beg for more. 

He didn't want to babble. 

He didn’t want to seem too submissive yet, or too out of it, and have Garak call off the scene. They’d agreed to warm up with the spanking, to get a sense of each other and how this might go, before committing to something more intense. He didn’t want to wait. 

“Julian, if I had wanted you to be silent, I would have gagged you.” 

Julian tried to ignore the voice in the back of his mind cycling through possible responses and determining the most probable outcomes. This kind of thought spiral wouldn’t do anything helpful. Instinct would serve him better. 

“I can think of something you should gag me with.”

_Ah, that's your instinct, Julian?_

Garak's chuckle stopped the thought spiral from going any further. “Oh, my dear, you think you've earned that already?” The Cardassian rose from the bed, causing a slight rustle as the duvet cover shifted. It was the first time Julian could really pin a sound as being caused by Garak. 

Another long, unsettling silence fell over the room. Julian focused on his breathing, doing his best to be patient. Garak hadn’t said anything about ending the encounter. Clearly, this meant there was more to come. _Maybe I’ll even be one of them_ , he thought with a confident smirk.

“Stand up, Julian. Clasp your hands behind your back and face me.” 

A shiver ran through him as he obeyed. He moved smoothly, thankful for his excellent balance and coordination. Anyone else would probably have fumbled a little trying to do this blindfolded. Not Julian, though. He needed to rise to the occasion. 

One hand appeared on his shoulder, another at the small of his back. 

“I'm going to help you kneel, Julian.”

He decided against informing Garak that he would be just fine kneeling on his own. He'd rather have Garak touching him. 

His knees settled on the plush carpet, pleasantly stinging bum resting on his feet. Julian could picture the image he presented like this - hands clasped behind him, drawing his shoulders back, the smooth curve of his spine, head held high to accentuate his long neck. 

The blindfold lifted away, startling a blink out of him. Garak had dimmed the lights at some point, thankfully, so his eyes adjusted easily. 

Garak was seated a few feet in front of him, fiddling with the blindfold as he watched Julian. Julian's eyes settled on the small, predatory smile. It occurred to him that at no point in the evening had they properly kissed. Garak had planted a few rough - and, Julian assumed, hungry - kisses on his neck, but not his mouth. He wanted to taste this man. 

“Julian, I am going to ask you some questions and you will answer them honestly. Do you understand?” 

It finally clicked in Julian's brain that Garak sounded rather like a father. Not his father, but a father. 

“Yes, I understand.” 

“Yes, I understand …?” Garak waved his hand to indicate a necessary continuation. 

“Yes, I understand, sir?” Julian offered. 

“Just Garak will suffice, my dear.” Julian didn’t miss the ghost of a smile that passed over Garak’s mouth. “Now,” Garak said as he leaned forward, still holding the blindfold. “Before we proceed, there are some additional boundaries I'd like to discuss. You must answer my questions honestly, Julian, so that we can maintain a level of trust and enjoyment. Alright?” 

“Yes, Garak,” he said confidently, allowing his excitement to blossom into a smile for just an instant. 

“Good, good.” Garak sat upright. He folded the blindfold and set it down on a nearby dresser. “How do you feel about being called names?” 

Julian shifted a little as he thought, eyes focused on the carpet. “I'm fine with it, in general. Context makes a difference, though I don't enjoy being called things like 'slave’ or anything, ah, racist.” 

“Of course. How do you feel specifically about 'slut’ and 'whore’?”

“Well, those names might be true,” Julian said with a scampish smile. 

When Garak didn't respond, he glanced up. The look fixed on him told him that this wasn't the time for jokes. 

“I'm fine with those names,” he said apologetically, gaze returning to the carpet. 

“How are you with being tied down or otherwise restrained?” 

“I quite like being restrained.”

“Alright,” Garak said, leaning forward again. “I have one more question for tonight. How do you feel about being marked - bruises, scratches, and the like?” 

“Nothing that would show when I’m in my scrubs,” he said quickly. “I’ll be working in the hospital again in a couple of days and I’d rather the staff and patients didn’t see bruises on my neck. I also don’t want anything that would leave a scar. But I do enjoy, ah, souvenirs, shall we say?” He allowed himself another brief smile. 

Garak’s shoes came into his view. A hand combed through his hair, lightly tracing from the back of his head down to his chin. Julian looked up at the older man, searching his face. 

“Thank you, Julian,” Garak said, lowering himself into a squat so that his face was level with Julian’s. 

He was still too far for Julian’s tastes. 

The human rose to his knees and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Garak’s, too quick for Garak to prevent him from succeeding.

The hand on his chin slid to the back of his head and grabbed a fistful of hair. He whimpered as Garak pulled away, breaking the kiss. 

“Oh, but you are a wanton slut, aren’t you,” Garak hissed. He stood, dragging Julian up with him. “It’s clear that your understanding of discipline is limited.” He tugged Julian’s hair until he was forced to take a step back. Garak unceremoniously released his grip and walked to a dresser. Julian watched as he opened a drawer and began rummaging around. He shifted his weight between his feet nervously, trying to listen for any sounds that might give away what Garak had in that drawer. 

“Well, then maybe you should teach me,” Julian said defiantly. 

Garak chuckled. “And a brat as well! Oh dear, perhaps I will have to gag you after all.” Without turning around, he held up a ball gag for Julian to see. 

“You would miss my voice,” he baited. 

“Now, what good is a voice, however pretty, if it comes from someone so narrowly educated?” Garak grabbed something from the drawer and turned to face Julian. 

A spreader bar. 

Julian’s eyes widened just a bit, causing Garak to smirk. 

The Cardassian stepped close, holding the bar between them. He slid one leg between Julian’s, brushing his cock. Julian inhaled sharply at the contact. Garak fixed him with a firm gaze before kicking each ankle, forcing Julian to widen his stance. Apparently satisfied, he lowered himself and locked Julian’s ankles into the spreader bar. 

Julian was acutely aware of just how close Garak was to his cock. He desperately wanted Garak to touch him. Garak seemed content with teasing him, never quite touching. 

He whimpered. 

As Garak stood up, he brought his mouth to Julian’s ear. “Besides,” he murmured, “I’d still have your pretty face to enjoy, and you can whimper around a gag.” He lightly nipped Julian’s earlobe before going back to the dresser. He grabbed two lengths of black rope and closed the drawer. When Garak rejoined him, Julian noted that he hadn’t brought the gag. 

Julian watched intently as Garak set one length of rope on the bed. He had been careful not to speak since his last comment. Garak favored him with a smile, stepping close again. He placed his right hand on Julian’s left shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. His hand glided down Julian’s arm, stopping at the wrist. His skin was tingling in the wake of Garak’s touch. Julian unclasped his hands and waited for Garak’s next cue. Garak gently laced their fingers, guiding Julian’s hand to rest next to his thigh.

Garak lowered himself and set about wrapping the rope around Julian’s thigh. Julian was surprised to find that the rope was soft cotton. He watched as Garak worked, adjusting the tightness and position of the rope. It was meticulously handled. Julian silently wished that Garak would meticulously handle something else, but still appreciated the amount of care and attention to detail that Garak was putting into this. After wrapping his thigh to satisfaction, Garak looked up at Julian, still holding a fair amount of length. 

“Is the rope too tight or too loose?”

“No, it’s just right, Garak,” Julian answered with a soft smile. 

Garak nodded and grabbed Julian’s wrist again, pressing it against the rope on his thigh. He fashioned a cuff out of the remaining length and tied it off. Julian admired the aesthetic of the restraint. 

“Test it, make sure you’re comfortable enough but can’t slip out.” Julian obliged and gave it his approval. 

They repeated the process on the other side with the second length of rope.

With both wrists secured to his thighs, ankles locked, Julian was truly restrained. A thrill raced through him. 

Garak circled him, a hungry smile on his lips. Julian breathed slowly, doing his best to roll his shoulders back and elongate his spine.

Julian felt Garak press against his back. The soft fabric of Garak’s clothes felt soothing on his skin. Warm breathing washed over his neck and ear. 

“You are truly beautiful, my boy,” Garak murmured. 

“I am not a boy,” Julian retorted. 

He felt the low, rumbling laugh. Garak came back around and settled once more in the chair a few feet away. “Impatient, a touch petulant, a shameless flirt. Not to mention a lack of impulse control. I’d say that’s all rather boyish, my dear.”

Julian huffed but didn’t say anything. 

“Discipline, Julian, is more than simple punishment,” Garak continued. He leaned back and brought an ankle to rest on the opposite knee. “It is dedication and restraint. Patience. Control. The ability to deny what you most desire.” His gaze roved over Julian’s body, settling on the growing erection. He smirked. “Tell me, Julian, what it is that you most desire at this moment.”

Julian considered his response. “To please you, Garak,” he said submissively. 

“Oh, Julian,” Garak laughed. “Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.” He stood and closed the distance between them, bringing his hand to Julian’s throat. He was careful to not choke the human, but pressed his thumb into Julian’s throat just enough to create an unsettling pressure. “Right now, pleasing me is a means to you, not the end. Now, I’ll ask again. What is it that you most desire, Julian?” 

Julian swallowed and bit his bottom lip, breaking eye contact. He felt a flush creep onto his cheeks. “I want to cum, sir,” he said softly, wincing just a bit when he realized he had called Garak “sir” again. 

Garak chuckled and released Julian’s neck. “Oh, doctor,” he said sweetly. “I’m truly flattered by your apparent desire to call me ‘sir’. I think it’s a bit soon for that, don’t you? Plain, simple Garak will do for now. Perhaps next time we can negotiate titles.” 

_Next time…_ Julian brought his gaze back to Garak’s, feeling his heart skip a beat when he saw Garak’s smile. He couldn’t help but smile himself. 

“Now,” Garak said, taking one step back. “Do you think you deserve to cum, my dear? So far, you’ve faltered more than once in addressing me properly, made several smart comments, and kissed me without permission.” 

Julian chewed on his lower lip and exhaled slowly, lowering his gaze. “No, si -- Garak, I don’t deserve to cum.” _What is that_, he thought, thankful he had caught himself before the slip this time. 

“Then we are in agreement, sweet boy.” Garak circled him again, appraising him. Julian heard Garak stop somewhere behind him and rustle through another drawer. A slight metal clink. Something cold and sharp pressed into his back, eliciting a gasp. 

Metal claws were dragged down his spine, causing Julian to squirm. Not that he could squirm much, given the restraints. He exhaled and let himself focus on the sensation. The claws stopped just above his bum, disappeared for a second, and reappeared at the top of his back. Repeat. He relaxed into it, letting his head loll a bit. 

Arms. Legs. Neck. Scalp. 

A little groan escaped him, the human equivalent of a contented purr. Garak chuckled behind him, continuing to scratch slowly along Julian’s skin. 

Just as Julian felt himself fully relax, Garak dragged the claws over his bum. Julian yelped. Apparently it was still more sensitive than he had thought. 

The full length of Garak’s body pressed against him. He would have leaned into it if he didn’t think he’d lose his balance. One arm wrapped around his waist, somehow bringing their bodies closer. The metal claws traced over his throat, feather light, before dragging across his chest and abdomen. 

A single clawed finger trailed towards his cock, stopping short - _of course_ , he thought, letting out a frustrated sigh - and tracing back up. He did his best at squirming again and felt Garak’s clothes shift against his skin. 

Garak moved his arm from Julian’s waist to his shoulders, bringing his clawed hand back around to Julian’s rear, dragging up and down. Julian could imagine the bloom of bruising that would be appearing on his bum by now. He matched his breathing to Garak’s movements - inhale as the claws came up, exhale as they went down. 

Another slight chuckle. Garak released his hold on Julian’s shoulders and stepped around to face him, clawless hand gently holding his chin. For the first time, he noticed that Garak was a bit shorter than him. That thought quickly vanished as he realized that Garak was kissing him. 

He struggled against his restraints for a moment, wishing he could touch Garak, pull him closer, twist his fingers in that feathery black hair. He determined that the struggle was pointless rather quickly, and instead focused on what he could have. He savored the kiss. He breathed in Garak’s scent, that strange spicy floral. Garak’s tongue pressed against his lips, seeking entrance into his mouth, and he happily obliged. Julian groaned again, drowning in the kiss. 

If this was what Garak was going to give him, god damn would he take it. 

Garak finally broke the kiss, pressing their foreheads together. Julian was more than a little satisfied to hear that he wasn’t the only one breathing heavily. 

“Thank you, Garak,” he said breathily. 

Garak gave a small laugh before pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead. “My dear boy.”


	4. Roaring 20s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Garak is super fucking nice

Julian sighed contentedly, luxuriating in the feeling of the silky duvet against his raw skin. Garak had gone to fetch them water and something light to eat, so Julian had a few minutes to fully take in the room around him. 

Garak’s apparent fashion sense clearly extended to interior decorating. The carpet and three of the walls were a warm, sandy color. The fourth wall was a dark forest green with a silver palm leaf pattern overlay. The bed was against this wall, and Julian couldn’t help but notice that the silver color on the walls exactly matched the metal headboard. 

Scattered around the room were little pieces of evidence of their scene. Julian smiled and nestled further into the large, fluffy bed. 

A knock at the door startled him back upright. He frantically grabbed a pillow to cover himself, a flush rising to his cheeks. The door opened, revealing Garak with a serving tray. Julian sighed and flopped back onto the bed. 

“Garak, this is your room. Why did you knock?”

“It’s polite to announce one’s entry, my dear, especially when entering a room with a guest. Wouldn’t want to walk in on anything indecent.” He gave a conspiratorial smile as he set the tray on a nightstand. “Help yourself, though do try to avoid getting any crumbs in my bed. I just changed the sheets this morning and crumbs are hardly a decent reason to change them again.” 

Julian scooched over and found two glasses of water and a sandwich cut diagonally. He grabbed a glass and half the sandwich, sitting on the end of the bed. 

“And what would be a good reason to change your sheets again?” He took a large bite out of the sandwich and watched Garak move around the room, tidying up. When Garak turned to fix him with a look, Julian waggled his eyebrows flirtatiously. Garak gave an exasperated sigh and continued tidying. 

“You really are an incessant flirt, aren’t you, Julian?” Garak’s voice was equal parts amused and accusatory. 

He swallowed the bite of sandwich and downed half the glass of water before responding. “Only when I’m genuinely interested,” he said earnestly. “Trust me, if I’m not interested, the flirting is very ‘cessant’.” 

Garak, finished with his tidying, turned around and gave a quizzical look. “Julian, Standard isn’t my first language and even I know that ‘cessant’ isn’t a word.” He sat next to Julian on the edge of the bed and grabbed the other half of the sandwich. 

Julian laughed. “I know it isn’t a word. It’s a reference to an old television show. Well, sort of. The show is about the people who work in an office, and the boss says things like ‘I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious’ and such. Actually, the show was originally based on a British television show, but the American version did much better.” 

Garak gave another quizzical look, but didn’t say anything. Probably because he was busy chewing. 

“Ah, sorry. Sometimes I babble. I know it can be annoying.” He set the crust of his sandwich on the plate and shifted so he was seated cross-legged and facing Garak. 

Garak swallowed the last of his sandwich and brought a hand to the side of Julian’s face. “Don’t apologize for being enthusiastic or enjoying things, my dear. You’re allowed to like things.” 

Julian gave a shy smile. He scooted back towards the middle of the bed and patted a space next to him. “Come on, then,” he said playfully. 

Garak shook his head with a slight laugh and leaned over to untie his shoes. As he settled onto the bed, he pulled Julian against him. Julian rested his face against Garak’s chest, fingers playing at the decorative buttons along the center of Garak’s shirt. 

“It’s not fair you’re still fully clothed,” he sighed. 

Garak’s laugh rumbled through him again. “And what determines fairness, my dear?”

Julian brought himself up so his head was level with Garak’s. “Equality,” he said firmly.

“Ah, but would equality have served our purpose this evening? I would argue that no, it would not have. If we had aimed for equality, there would not have been the exchange either of us was seeking. Rather, it was equity that served us - each of us getting what we needed, not us getting the same thing.” 

Julian huffed. “Well, you’re still fully clothed, I’ve been naked for ages, and neither of us got off. I mean, yes, we had fantastic time and I’m very glad for it, but --” he was cut off by Garak kissing him. 

“This time, my boy,” he said soothingly. “It’s only our first date, Julian, and I would hope you’d allow me to retain some propriety. Not everyone is as flagrant as you.” 

Julian huffed again, but settled back down against Garak’s chest anyway. 

Distantly, they could hear the roar of the party counting down. It was finally midnight. 

“Happy New Year, Julian,” Garak said sleepily.


	5. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with all the scenes

“Julian, _wake up_ ,” Jadzia said, poking at his side. 

He grumbled and rolled so that his face was pressed into the back of the couch. 

“Julian, if you don’t get up, I’m going to sit on you. We both know that I can sit in the perfect position to make it incredibly uncomfortable for you while being totally fine for me,” she threatened. He didn’t respond, hoping that maybe she’d be fooled into thinking he was actually still asleep. Obviously if he was asleep on the couch, he should be left alone. Today was his day off. He wanted to spend the day lazing about and Jadzia was interrupting that. 

Jadzia had a differing opinion on how Julian should spend his day off. 

“Christ! Jadzia! Fine, I’m up, just _get off me_.” 

Freed from the weight of an additional humanoid, Julian sat up and glared at his roommate. Jadzia stuck out her tongue with a grin. He considered throwing a pillow at her, but decided against it. Best not to give Jadzia an excuse to practice Mok’bara on him. 

“What’s so important that you had to wake me up on my day off?” He didn’t bother to hide the irritation in his voice. 

“It’s Galentine’s Day!” Jadzia was beaming. 

“Jadzia, that’s a made up holiday from a television show!” He flopped back onto the couch and covered his face with a pillow. 

“Julian, every holiday is made up.” She snatched the pillow from his hands and leaned over him. “Galentine’s Day is about celebrating platonic friendships, so we’re gonna go out with our friends and have a grand ol’ time.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s about celebrating friendships between women, and I am clearly not a woman. Therefore I am not part of these festivities.”

“Gender is a lie, Julian. Now get up off the couch and get ready. We’re meeting up with everyone in an hour.” As Jadzia walked away, she tossed the pillow back at Julian. 

*************************************************************************************************************

With a contented sigh, Julian pushed his empty plate away from him. 

“Gosh, Julian, you must have been hungry,” remarked Ezri. 

Before he could respond, Kira cut in, “Julian always eats like that. When we were in undergrad, Julian would finish his plate before Jadzia and I even got to the table.” 

“Is it really necessary to discuss my eating habits?” he asked, mildly vexed. 

“So, Keiko, how’s your research going?” Jadzia asked pointedly. Julian shot her a grateful glance, forgiving her for the earlier physical assault. 

“I know I always say this, but I think we’re getting close to a real breakthrough! One of the concerns we have is that the low atmosphere on Mars will make it more difficult for plants to remain rooted, but I’m pretty sure that we can genetically modify trees and other plants to have the same root mechanism as the eastern skunk cabbage. My assistant, Clara, is working on isolating the DNA sequence for that.” 

Julian appreciated Keiko. She was unapologetically enthusiastic about her work, and always listened to Julian’s own enthusiastic ramblings without ever making him feel like he was talking too much. 

“Do you have an idea of when you’ll be able to test out the genetically modified plants?” he asked. 

“Well,” Keiko said with a smile, “assuming that Clara is successful in isolating the DNA sequence, we’re hoping that some of our modified trees will be going to Mars Colony One sometime in the next year.” 

“That’s wonderful,” Julian said warmly. 

As another conversation started, Julian took a contemplative sip of coffee.

He had noticed immediately that he was, in fact, the only man at this Galentine’s brunch. He was pretty sure Jadzia hadn’t actually invited any of their male friends, but he wasn’t especially bothered by it. It was nice to catch up with Ezri, Kira, and Keiko. To be fair, he didn’t think Miles or Worf would care for brunch, and it would be strange for Mayor Sisko to dine out with Kira now that he was her boss. 

Perhaps he should organize a guy’s night out. 

“Julian?”

“Hm?” He brought his gaze back to Ezri. She was looking at him keenly. 

“I’ve been having a hard time in Doctor Zimmerman’s course. He just so,” she paused, gesturing broadly. 

“Difficult to relate to?” Julian offered with a knowing smile. 

“Yes!” she said, sounding exasperated. 

He gave her forearm a gentle squeeze. “Doctor Zimmerman can definitely be challenging. He’s inflexible in a lot of ways, and he’s rather straightforward in social interactions. Are you having a hard time with the material in his course, or is the problem just him?” 

“It’s just him, I guess,” she said solemnly. 

“If you can do well in the course with just knowing the material, then I’d say try not worry about it. But if it’s important to you that you have a working relationship with Doctor Zimmerman, you might try going to his office hours. He softens up a bit if you show how dedicated you are to learning.” He offered her a friendly smile. 

“Thanks, Julian,” Ezri replied, returning the smile. 

Julian took another sip of coffee. Ezri and Jadzia may be sisters, but they were different in a lot of ways. Jadzia was bold and fearless, always looking for the next big challenge and chasing the next big thrill. Ezri was less confident than her older sister, less interested in seeking out new adventures, more anxious. But they both cared deeply about each other. Despite her anxieties, Ezri had come across the galaxy when Jadzia had told her that UCLA would offer her a spot in their medical school. Julian admired her for that. 

“How is everything in the mayor’s office, Nerys?” Keiko asked. 

Kira smiled, almost smugly. “Oh, you know. Sisko is adjusting to his new position. I think he was relieved to find a familiar face already established in the office when he started. I know he’s going to do great things for the city.” 

Julian shifted a little in his seat. Even now, after years of knowing her, Kira insisted that Julian strictly address her by her surname. It wasn’t lost on him that he was the only one in the present company with such a request. She’d always kept him at arm’s length. He thought that maybe Kira felt he was a bit much too handle, and he couldn’t really blame her for that. Julian felt he was a bit much at times, too. 

Absentmindedly, he unlocked his phone without picking it up from the table. He scrolled aimlessly through the list of apps, pausing when a banner appeared at the top of the screen to announce a new text message. 

Julian smiled, anticipation blooming in his chest. Not everyone seemed to think he was too much.

*************************************************************************************************************

Garak took a sip of his rokassa juice, eyeing Julian intently. Julian set his teacup down and turned to face him properly. 

Since the New Year's party, they had met for lunch once a week, Garak always suggesting a new café for them to try. At their first lunch, Garak had brought a book he thought Julian absolutely must read. The next several lunches had been spent discussing the book, getting in arguments that never quite got as heated as Julian wanted.

Julian was glad to be in a private space with Garak again. 

In the daylight, he could really appreciate the garden's beauty. 

“Perhaps we should get to the reason we're here,” Garak said plainly. 

“Alright,” Julian replied, trying to not look as nervous as he felt. 

“The way we proceed with this relationship depends entirely on what you want. There is a difference between being a bottom and being a submissive, and I don't want to impose a role that you don't want to fulfill.” Garak's hands were folded neatly in his lap. 

“I'd like for you to clarify your expectations for a bottom versus for a submissive,” Julian said calmly. “Not everyone has the same expectations, and knowing how you view each role is important to my decision.” 

Garak favored him with a proud smile. “Of course, Julian.” He took another sip of his rokassa juice, a thoughtful look on his face. “If you choose to be a bottom, our relationship will generally remain unchanged. We'll continue to go on dates, maintain a mostly vanilla tone, and occasionally we will engage in scenes which are most likely discreet from each other. Any power exchange will be strictly within the scene.”

He paused, considering his next words carefully. Julian offered a reassuring smile. 

With a deep breath, Garak continued. “As a submissive, the power exchange will be a defining characteristic of the relationship. You'll be expected to follow a set of rules at all times. If you fail to follow the rules, there will be consequences for you. Being a submissive means exemplifying discipline and obedience.” 

Julian waited a moment to make sure Garak had concluded his explanation before nodding to show that he had been listening. 

He ran his fingers along the edge of the teacup, sorting through his thoughts. 

“Is the expectation that my choice is unchangeable at a later point in our relationship?” 

Garak shifted a little in his seat. There was a seriousness on his face that gave Julian pause. 

“I would have no issue if you decided to transition from a bottom to my submissive. But the decision to be a submissive shouldn't be made lightly. The role is one that implies a level of commitment. Not only to the relationship, but to inhabiting the role as long as the relationship continues.” 

Julian nodded again, still tracing the edge of his teacup. 

A silence settled between them. 

After a while, Julian brought his focus back to the moment. 

“I'd like to think about this for a while, if that's alright,” he said. 

“Of course. I want you to make the choice that's right for you, Julian.” Garak smiled supportively. 

When Julian left a short while later, Garak pressed a kiss into his forehead. 

*************************************************************************************************************

Julian was drunk. 

Or high. 

Probably both. 

No, definitely both. 

When he’d sent out the group text last week, this wasn’t what he’d intended for the guy’s night out. 

Inviting Jack was either the worst idea Julian had ever had, or the best. The only time Julian imbibed to this extent was when he was with Jack. Back when they were pre-med students, Jack had been the one to introduce Julian to the world of alcohol and weed. 

“It’s the only time my head doesn’t feel like the whole universe is spinning inside,” Jack had said. And Julian could certainly see a difference in him. It was like all of his anxieties had melted away and his brain had slowed to match everyone around him. Julian knew that they were of a kind in at least one way, so he had hoped that they were in this way as well. In undergrad, it had certainly felt the way Jack described.

Now, here he was, lying on the kitchen floor in the apartment of his friend the mayor. 

Ben was sitting on the floor near him, leaning against a cabinet. Jack was sprawled out on the floor on the other side of him. Worf was face down on a couch somewhere, and Miles was sleeping hunched over the dining table. 

“We’re not in undergrad anymore,” Julian said slowly, trying to keep his words from spinning the way his head was right now. 

“That… that is true, my friend,” replied Ben. He reached over and patted Julian’s leg in an effort to be comforting. 

“Frankly, this lost its novelty years ago, hm. All this slowing down is far less interesting than existing in a normal state, and I actually think that it’s not that my mind stopped spinning when we did this in undergrad. It must’ve started spinning the other way, hm. Well, good to know, I suppose.” 

Julian wondered how Jack could talk so fast at this level on non-sobriety. 

A sudden snore from Miles startled them, sending Ben and Julian into a fit of laughter. 

“Next time we get together,” Ben said, laughter brightening his voice, “it’s should actually be a guy’s night out. We’ll go to Quark’s!”

“Can you even go to a public bar, now that you’re the mayor?” It was an almost childish question, but Julian couldn’t be bothered to care right now. 

“There’s no law that says I can’t! Besides, anyone tries to bother me, I’ve got Worf. Who’s going to mess with a Klingon in an Earth bar?” 

“Another Klingon in the same Earth bar,” Jack noted seriously. 

Ben and Julian were laughing again. 

“Sounds like a good time,” Julian said contentedly. 

*************************************************************************************************************

“We've enough time for one more quick match before our shift,” Julian said. 

“You're going to lose. You're distracted, hm, mind somewhere else,” Jack replied matter-of-factly. 

“Just serve the ball, Jack. We both need to work off some energy before rounds.” 

“First to three, then.” 

Thwack. 

The tennis ball came whizzing towards him. Julian moved to meet it, returning the ball with a satisfying sound. 

He knew Jack was right. His mind was still in the garden at Garak and Kelas’ house. 

It had been two weeks since his discussion with Garak, and Julian was still weighing his choice. A pressure to decide was building in his chest, fueled entirely by his own anxieties. Garak had, of course, not pressed him at all since that afternoon. 

“Point!” called Jack. 

Julian huffed. 

If he was being honest with himself, he had already decided. He had known what he wanted before that conversation. But he was nervous. Old anxieties were bubbling up, telling him that Garak would be disappointed with him eventually and decide that he wasn't worth it. More than that, Julian was worried about what Garak might learn about him if they became close. He'd kept previous romantic involvements casual, just a touch closer than arm's length, because it was safe that way. Most of his friendships were similarly kept distant, with only two exceptions. 

“Point!” Jack called again. 

As Jack served again, Julian calculated the best way to hit the ball. His racket struck the ball hard, sending it just past Jack, bouncing once in the court before continuing out of bounds. 

“Point!” Julian said in his best impression of Jack. Jack made a face at him. 

He was unsurprised when Jack scored the winning point. 

*************************************************************************************************************

He stared at his phone, afraid to pick it up. If he picked it up, he'd send the text and that would mean being one step closer to telling Garak. 

His leg was jittering. 

He stood up from the couch, walked to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, threw it away without drinking any. 

The door to the on-call room opened, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. 

“Still preoccupied, hm.” 

Julian sighed in relief. 

“Hello, Jack,” he said. 

“I can do it for you, Julian,” Jack said seriously. 

“Do what?” Julian tried to feign nonchalance, sure that he was failing. 

“Send the text that's vexing you.” 

Julian didn't bother asking how Jack knew. He was convinced that Jack was actually a four-dimensional being and could see directly into people, like the sphere in Flatland. 

“Yeah? No. I don't know.” Julian sat down with a huff. 

Jack sat next to him and grabbed his hand. 

“It's going to be okay, Julian,” Jack said comfortingly. Even though they were alone, he dropped his voice before continuing, “Just because you're an augment doesn't mean you have to always be closed off to other people. I know it's hard, and I know the fear of being found out can be paralyzing.” He squeezed Julian's hand reassuringly. 

Julian offered him a weak smile. 

“I have a surgery in twenty minutes. Need to scrub up, you know.” 

Julian laughed. “Alright. I don’t need you to send the text for me. Just… sit with me while I do this.” 

With a heavy sigh, he picked up his phone.


	6. The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where things (finally) get dirty

Julian’s leg was jittering under the table. He glanced around the restaurant, not really looking for anything. 

Garak wasn’t technically late, but Julian had been so nervous that he’d arrived half an hour early. He’d sat in his car as long as he could bear it, but eventually came in and asked if he could be seated even though not everyone in his party was there. The maître d’ clearly saw how anxious Julian was and brought him to the reserved table, offering him something strong to drink to calm his nerves. Julian declined politely, opting instead to drink what felt like a gallon of water. 

This, too, was a mistake. 

Now he was nervous and had a full bladder. Of course, he couldn’t go to the restroom right now because Garak might come in while he was gone from the table.

A hand on his shoulder brought both his leg and his heart to a stop. 

“Good evening, doctor,” Garak said smokily. 

As Garak moved around the table to sit opposite him, Julian quickly weighed his options. He really had only one choice in this instance. 

“Hello, Garak, please don’t think I’m being rude but I’ve got to run to the restroom but I promise I’ll be back in just a moment.” 

He darted from the table and walked quickly towards much needed relief. 

As he returned, he took time to get a proper look at Garak, relishing the fluttering sensation in his stomach. He was dressed in earth tones, creating the illusion of warmth in that lovely grey skin. The fit was flattering, giving just enough of a hint about the physique underneath to fuel Julian’s imagination. Of course the neckline was daringly wide, as was the case for most of Garak’s necklines, exposing an indecent amount of his neck ridges. Julian flushed as he imagined how Garak would react if he touched those ridges.

_God, I am such a teenager_ , he thought, hoping Garak couldn’t read his expression. 

“Thank you for waiting, Garak,” he offered with an apologetic smile 

“Not at all, my dear. Glad to see you’re feeling more comfortable.” Garak gave him a sly smile, leaning forward just a bit and dropping his voice low. “And, truly, it is _so good_ to see you, Julian. I find that I’ve yet to grow tired of looking at you.” 

Julian felt a slight flush rise to his cheeks. 

“You look quite fetching tonight, Garak,” he said sincerely. 

Garak raised an eye ridge. “Thank you. Not all of us are blessed with the natural beauty you are, but I think I’ve done well at presenting my best image.” His voice was frustratingly neutral, throwing Julian off balance. 

“I hope I didn’t offend you,” Julian replied, a hint of anxiety peeking through despite his best efforts. “You’ve always been so well put together. Fashionable.” 

“I should hope so,” Garak said seriously. “After all, fashion is how I’ve made my living here.” 

“Oh. Right, of course.” It felt lame as it left his mouth. He took a drink of water, mindful not to down the entire glass. 

The server came and took their orders, a fleeting moment of reprieve from Julian’s floundering. 

Garak’s foot brushed his own, bringing him out of his head. 

“Are you playing footsie with me?” Julian asked in surprise. 

“I’m afraid I’m unfamiliar with that term.” Garak’s foot trailed up his leg slowly, a devious smile on his lips. 

Julian offered his own flirtatious smile. It seemed dinner would be a challenge in the best way. 

*************************************************************************************************************

Julian was acutely aware of Garak’s hand on the small of his back, guiding him through the house. All through dinner, Julian had been subjected to little touches and flirtations, keeping his anxiety down but his desire high. He thought he had done a fair job of keeping pace, making his own suggestive remarks and batting his long lashes. He wanted more. He wanted Garak’s hands everywhere. He wanted to touch Garak. 

Each of their dates since New Year’s had been, frankly, quite chaste. 

Tonight, Julian wanted to be dirty.

As they reached Garak’s room, Julian was gently pushed in first. He rounded to face Garak, taking hold of his face and pressing their mouths together. Dear god, how had he lived without this for the last few months? He twisted his fingers into the smooth black hair and closed the remaining distance between his own body and Garak’s. A moan escaped him as Garak’s arms wrapped around him. One hand trailed up his spine, sending a shiver through him, and gripped his hair. Garak pulled firmly, breaking the kiss. Julian couldn’t help but whine. 

“You’re far too willful, my boy,” Garak said huskily. He kept his grip on Julian’s hair, reaching his other hand behind himself to lock the door. In a quick motion, Julian found himself against the door, Garak’s body pinning him in place. Garak’s breath was hot on his neck and ear. “Strip. I expect to find you fully ready for me, Julian.” The Cardassian pressed his mouth against the pulse point just below Julian’s ear, released him and moved quickly to the en suite bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Julian stood breathless for a few seconds, staring after Garak. 

As his mind started working again, Julian stripped quickly, tossing his clothes haphazardly. He considered how he should wait for Garak, what position would be most alluring. Thoughts flashing back to the party, he settled on his knees near the foot of the bed and folded his arms behind his back. 

His breathing stilled as the bathroom door opened. He fought back a little noise of disappointment as he saw that Garak was still fully dressed. 

Garak gave Julian an appraising looking, then glanced around the room. 

“Really, Julian, what a mess you’ve made,” he scolded, adjusting the wrist of a sleeve as he sat on the foot of the bed. “Is this how I should expect you to treat my space?” 

Julian withered a little. “No, sir, I’m sorry.” He gave himself a mental kick as he realized that he’d fallen into addressing Garak as ‘sir’ again. They hadn’t discussed that yet. 

No reproach or redirection came. 

Hope blossomed in his chest, giving rise to a fleeting smile.

He stood up and gathered his clothes, gaze fixed on the carpet. With everything in hand, he kneeled in front of a dresser and folded his clothes neatly, placing everything in a single stack. Julian then resettled himself on his knees at the foot of the bed, facing towards Garak. A grey hand traced his jawline and gently turned his chin up so he would meet Garak’s eyes. 

“Very good, Julian.” He brightened under the praise. “Now. I gather that you’ve reached a decision about what you’d like from our relationship?” 

Julian nodded, a serious but still bright look on his face. 

“I… I’ve known what I wanted since we met. It just feels so,” he paused, trying to find the right word. “Natural,” he breathed, his face softening. “It feels different than it did with previous partners. Submitting to you feels right, like it’s what I was made for.” 

Garak favored him with a smile. “You’ve thought about this a long time. And you’re absolutely sure this is the choice you want to make?” Julian thought he could hear a hint of hope in Garak’s question. 

He nodded again. “I’m sure.” 

And suddenly Garak was pulling him up into his lap, fingers twisting into Julian’s hair, kissing him fiercely. It was a heady feeling. A whimper of protest melted into a moan as Garak broke the kiss and began nipping at his neck. 

Just as suddenly, Garak was standing up, forcing Julian up with him. Firm hands on his shoulders pushed him down onto his knees. Julian looked expectantly at Garak. 

“I assume you're ready to dazzle me with that pretty mouth of yours, boy,” Garak mused gruffly, one hand twisting into Julian's hair again. 

Julian's eyes widened eagerly. “Yes, sir,” he replied. He leaned forward, hands reaching towards the belt at Garak's waist. A sharp tug on his hair brought him to a halt. 

“You are not to touch yourself, understood?” 

He nodded and Garak released his grip on Julian's hair. 

Julian leaned forward again and undid the buckle on Garak's belt. As he worked at the zipper on Garak's trousers, he noticed that his hands were shaking just a bit. He gingerly pulled down trousers and underwear just enough, licking his lips. 

For a moment, he simply stared at the penile sheath in front of him, contemplating the best course of action. A small smile on his lips, he pressed his face against the sheath and breathed in deeply. He licked slowly along the seam of the sheath, daring to nibble at the scaled flesh. His hands settled on Garak’s hips, anchoring him as he continued his endeavor. It wasn’t long before his efforts were rewarded and Garak began to evert. Julian happily shifted his focus to the tip of Garak’s cock that was peaking out. He licked and sucked fervently, noting the musky scent and taste of the natural lubricant coating the subject of his labors. 

Garak everted fully into Julian’s mouth, causing him to gag. He could feel his eyes watering. He pulled back lazily, enjoying the feeling of Garak’s full length against his tongue. Small ridges along the bottom of Garak’s cock created an interesting sensation. Julian could only imagine how wonderful those would feel when Garak was fucking him. 

Julian maintained his service enthusiastically, noting subtle reactions from Garak and adjusting his technique. 

His jaw ached. 

He wouldn’t stop until Garak told him to. 

The only thing in Julian’s world was Garak’s cock and his mouth, the sharp breaths and slight thrusting as he pressed his tongue against those little ridges or dared to let his teeth rake delicately against Garak’s length. 

A hand twisted into his hair, pulling his mouth fully off Garak’s cock. 

He blinked and stared up at Garak. His gaze was met with one full of hunger and desire. 

“On the bed, boy,” Garak growled. “Head down, ass up.” 

Julian leapt up and complied hastily. He crawled onto the bed and settled on his hands and knees, shifting back until his bottom was near the edge. Satisfied with his position, he lowered his upper body until he could rest the side of his face against the bed. He glanced back towards Garak. The look of lust directed at him brought a satisfied smile to his lips. 

As Garak walked towards him, he pumped his hand along his cock. He stood directly behind Julian and grabbed his hip in a bruising grip. Julian bit his lip. One lubricated finger slipped into him with no preamble, forcing a whimper out of him. Garak thrust his finger steadily. When he added a second, Julian moaned and tried to thrust his hips back against the fingers. Garak’s grip held him in place. 

“Is there something you want, Julian?” Garak teased. 

He pressed his face against the duvet and murmured something unintelligible. 

Garak chuckled and thrust his fingers roughly, curling them upwards to press against Julian’s prostate. 

A desperate sound escaped him and his hips fought to buck. 

“I’m afraid I didn’t catch that, my dear. You have to ask for what you want.” 

Julian inhaled deeply. “Please… please fuck me, sir,” he pleaded. 

“You’re beautiful when you beg,” Garak replied with a smirk. He removed his fingers. His cock pushed into Julian with the same lack of preamble. Julian groaned and clutched the duvet. 

Garak fucked him mercilessly, drawing a constant string of moans and whimpers and expletives out of Julian. His cock was aching. He wanted to stroke himself, wanted to cum desperately. He wasn’t sure he could move his arms as Garak pounded him at this breakneck pace. Emotions rose to the surface, raw and unbidden. 

“S-sir. I-I,” he stammered. 

“Finish your sentence, boy,” Garak said gruffly without changing pace. 

“I’m want to cum, sir,” he managed.

“After me, Julian.” 

Julian closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip. He focused on not cumming yet, on being good. Garak thrust into him hard and fast, sending sparks through all of his nerve endings. Desperate to find anything else to think about, he fixated on the sound of Garak’s belt buckle clinking as he thrust. 

One of Garak’s hands left his hips, tracing up his spine and twisting into his hair. Garak pulled his torso off the bed roughly, bringing him almost upright. The soft fabric of Garak’s shirt against his back dragged his thoughts away from the clinking sound. Garak’s other hand released his hip and grabbed his cock. 

“Not fair,” Julian groaned. 

Sharp teeth bit into his shoulder in response. 

“Fuck,” he hissed. Garak’s mouth twisted into a smile against his skin as he began stroking Julian. 

Finally, thankfully, Garak’s thrusting came to a stop. His mouth left Julian’s shoulder. “Come for me, Julian,” he purred. With a desperate sob, Julian did. Garak stroked him through the orgasm and gently guided him to lean against that still clothed chest. 

His breathing was heavy and slow. Garak was planting little kisses along his neck and jaw, murmuring soft praises. 

After a while, Garak kissed his cheek and pulled out, still supporting Julian so he didn’t fall into the puddle of semen. “I think a bath is order, my dear,” he said sweetly. 

Julian nodded and slid off the bed. Garak’s arms settled around his waist as he guided Julian towards the bathroom. 

He stood slightly behind Garak as the Cardassian drew a hot bath, staring into the middle distance. His mind felt thick and foggy. Once the bath was full to a reasonable depth, Garak helped him into the tub. Julian settled against the back of the tub and glanced over at Garak. 

“Aren’t you going to join me?” he asked. 

“No, my dear,” Garak replied with a smile, gently cupping his chin. “It’ll be easier for me to bathe you if I’m not taking up space in the bathtub.” He kissed Julian’s forehead and stood to gather his supplies. Julian watched as Garak sorted through and considered various products. He noted that Garak had pulled his trousers up, though he hadn’t retracted yet. 

Garak returned to the side of the tub with a bottle of seagreen soap and a large washcloth. He dipped the cloth into the water and tenderly scrubbed at Julian’s back, shoulders, and chest. Garak was especially careful around the shoulder he had bitten. He poured a generous dollop of the soap onto the cloth and rubbed the cloth against itself to create a rich lather. It smelled like sea salt and citrus. As Garak scrubbed him, Julian closed his eyes and let the feeling soothe him. 

“Stand up, Julian,” Garak instructed softly. Julian opened his eyes to look at Garak and stood slowly, bracing himself against the wall. Garak rolled up the sleeve of one arm and reached into the tub to pull the drain. “Don’t get out just yet,” he added as he stood, offering a sweet smile. 

Julian nodded and leaned against the wall. His brain still felt foggy. 

The fog lifted as he realized that Garak was undressing. He stood upright and watched as Garak carefully removed his clothing, neatly folding each article. A broad smile was forming on his lips. Julian let his eyes rove every inch of Garak’s body, noting the ridges that adorned his torso and the patterning of his scales. 

Blessedly naked, Garak joined Julian in the bathtub, turning on the shower and drawing the curtain closed. 

Julian nuzzled into him, wrapping his arms around that lovely torso. 

Garak chuckled and kissed his forehead, brushing the damp hair away. “I still need to clean certain parts of you, dear. It’s rather difficult to do so like this.” Julian took a small step back, arms still loosely around Garak’s middle. 

With another dollop of soap, Garak set about gingerly scrubbing Julian’s cock and bottom. He finally deemed Julian fully clean and set the washcloth aside. Immediately, Julian pressed himself against Garak again and sighed contentedly. Garak wrapped his arms Julian. 

After a moment, Julian pulled back and grabbed the bottle of soap, pouring some onto his hand. He gently lathered Garak’s penis. Garak made a pleased noise. Julian rinsed off the soap with a few handfuls of warm water from the shower. Slowly, Garak’s penis retracted into his sheath. 

Garak shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a large fluffy towel. Julian followed and let Garak dry him. He wrapped the towel around himself like a blanket and waited as Garak dried himself off with another towel. 

“Shall we go to bed, my dear?” Garak asked as he took the towel from Julian and gathered his clothes. 

“That would be lovely,” Julian agreed. 

They exited the bathroom and Julian quickly crawled into the bed. Garak pulled the duvet off the bed and gathered Julian's clothes from their neat pile. 

“I’ll be back shortly,” he said. 

When he returned a few minutes later, Julian figured he must have put everything in the wash. 

Garak joined him in the bed, pulling the remaining covers over them both. Julian snuggled up against him and kissed his shoulder. 

“Thank you, sir,” he murmured sleepily.


	7. Hey Look Ma, I Made It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The One With Julian's Parents

Julian held his mug of coffee close to his chest, staring out the large window in front of him. He was thankful for the plush chair and relative quiet. During his undergraduate years at UCLA, The Study had been one of his favorite places to spend time. Sometimes, after a particularly tiring shift at the medical center, Julian liked to come here and decompress before going home. 

With a contented sigh, he closed his eyes and let his head lean against the pillar behind him. 

He must have dozed off for a moment. When he opened his eyes, a few more people were in the dining space. He carefully set his coffee on the small side table and stretched in his seat. 

“Mind if I join you?”

Julian turned his head in the direction of the voice. 

“Oh, hello, Leeta,” he said with a smile. “Of course.” 

Leeta sat in the chair next to his and sipped at her tea. 

“How have you been, Julian? I haven’t seen you much at the apartment lately.” Her voice was light and friendly as she spoke. 

He took a slow drink from his coffee, trying to think of an honest answer. “I’ve been fine. Busy, I suppose. The hospital has me doing overnights most of the time right now, and I guess I’ve been spending most of my time off with Garak.” 

Leeta nodded in understanding. “You might want to spend time at home once in a while. You know, other than just sleeping there after your shift. Jadzia probably won’t say anything because she knows how happy you are, but she misses you,” she said, no hint of accusation in her tone. 

“Between dating you and dating Worf and finishing up the work on her dissertation, I guess I didn’t think she’d have time to miss me,” he admitted. 

“Julian, you’re Jadzia’s best friend. Even people with multiple relationships need platonic friendships. They satisfy different emotional needs.” 

“You’re right,” Julian acknowledged with a sigh. “How is your dissertation coming, by the way?” 

Leeta brightened, sitting a bit more upright. “I’m really proud of it, actually. My advisor says it’s good, too. The defense is in a couple of weeks.” 

He offered an amiable smile. “I hope it goes brilliantly.” 

*************************************************************************************************************

  
______________________________________

Hey, Jadzia. You free this afternoon?  
______________________________________  


Julian plugged the cable into his phone and set his music to shuffle. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he placed his phone in a cup holder. The drive across campus was peaceful.

Once he hit Sunset Boulevard, his phone buzzed. The light was green, so he left it unchecked as he turned onto the road. 

Several more buzzes caused his phone to rattle in the cup holder. 

Finally, at a red light, he picked up his phone. A string of text notifications from Jadzia filled the screen. There was suddenly a pit in his stomach. Julian unlocked the phone and actually felt himself go pale.

  
______________________________________

Julian, I don’t know if I should tell you to come home or stay away. 

Your parents are here. 

They just turned up and ignored me when I said you were at work. 

Julian, what do you want me to do?  
______________________________________  


Gingerly, he placed his phone back into the cup holder and counted to five, trying to force air back into his lungs.

When the light turned green, Julian drove as calmly as he could. This turned out to be surprisingly calm. He scanned for a place to pull into so he could respond. And so he could maybe throw up. He found a parking lot and quickly pulled in, shutting the car off. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the top of the steering wheel, counting slowly as he breathed. 

Hands shaking, he picked up the phone.

  
______________________________________

I’ll be home in 10 minutes.  
______________________________________  


*************************************************************************************************************

With an achingly deep breath, Julian opened the door to the apartment. Jadzia was engaging his parents in easy conversation, her charisma and charm an absolute gift in this scenario. She smiled at him as he entered and rose from the couch. 

“Richard, Amsha, can I get either of you more springwine?” Jadzia offered smoothly. 

“That’s quite alright, dear, thank you,” Amsha replied with a pleasant smile. Jadzia slipped into the kitchen anyways, shooting a sympathetic look in Julian’s direction. 

“Jules!” Richard declared too loudly. Julian fought the cringe trying to push its way onto his face. Before he could process anything, he found himself in an uncomfortably tight embrace. He had to remind himself that he could still breathe, that his lungs still worked. 

“Father,” he said, forcing his voice to remain neutral even as he pushed Richard back to arm’s length. “Mother. What are you doing here?” 

“Why, we missed our son, of course! You haven’t visited us in London in such a long time, and we hadn’t heard from you for months.” His father’s voice was always too loud, too exaggerated, too insincere. 

“And so you decided to just show up, without any sort of heads up?” Julian replied, just managing to avoid snapping. 

“You’re our son, Julian,” Amsha said softly, still seated on the couch. “We wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Jadzia appeared by his side, pressing a glass of springwine into his hand. 

“Thank you, Jadzia,” he mumbled. He took a drink of the wine and set the glass down on the coffee table. Fixing his gaze on his father again, he inhaled deeply. “You could have, perhaps, called me before showing up at my home unannounced. If you wanted to simply check in and make sure I was fine, a phone call would have sufficed. Please forgive me if I think that you have an ulterior motive for this visit.” 

He was vaguely aware of Jadzia’s discomfort. She seemed unsure about what was the best thing for her to do in this situation. This was clearly a family matter, and as close as Jadzia and Julian were, they weren’t family and she didn’t have to be involved in this. But she also wanted to support Julian in what was an obviously tense situation. She seemed to settle on the latter option, hovering between the couch and the island counter that marked the edge of the kitchen. 

“You’re right, Jules,” Richard said plainly. “There’s no point in pretending otherwise.” 

“What is it, then,” Julian spat, letting the anger finally seep into his voice. 

“We’ve arranged for you to meet a young woman,” Amsha said, her voice sweet and suffocating as honey. 

“No,” Julian replied. 

Richard and Amsha both looked taken aback. 

“Sweetheart, you’re almost done with your residency. You’re in your late 20s. It’s time that you find a wife and start a family,” Amsha added, finally rising from the couch and stepping towards Julian. 

“The two of you have already irreparably changed my life. You don’t get to have control over this, too.”

“Don’t speak to your mother that way,” Richard huffed. If Julian wasn’t so angry, he would have found humor in the ridiculous way his father was puffing up like a small bird attempting to seem threatening. 

“In case you weren’t aware, this isn’t the 19th or 20th century anymore. Arranged marriages are deeply antiquated and have no place in society,” he replied, a sharp edge in his voice. 

“Jules,” Amsha breathed, clearly hurt by his response. “It is still a tradition in our family. In our culture. Please, don’t break my heart this way.” 

He laughed. He knew it wasn’t the appropriate response, but the tension had built up so much that it burst forth. 

“I broke your heart the day I was born, mother. I’ve been nothing but a disappointment, a let down, never good enough for you. Why should this be any different? At least this time I have a choice in how my life moves forward.” 

“You are being ungrateful, Jules,” Richard scolded. “What we did, we did to give you the best life possible.” 

“I never asked for this!” he shouted. 

He stormed out of the apartment and ran quickly back to his car. For several long moments, he sat in the driver’s seat, unsure of where he would go and letting the childishness of his behavior sink in. It occurred to him that he had left Jadzia behind with his parents. She must be so confused and uncomfortable. Guilt sat heavy in his stomach.

  
______________________________________

Quark’s  
______________________________________  


With the text sent to Jadzia, he drove off.

*************************************************************************************************************

“Ah, my favorite hu-mon!” Quark declared brightly as Julian entered the bar and sat down. He realized it was still rather early in the afternoon. The bar was empty, save for Morn sitting in his usual spot. 

“Whiskey, neat,” Julian requested. 

“Tough day, eh?” Quark asked, pouring the amber colored liquid into a glass. 

He forced himself to not slam the entire drink back like a shot, nodding at the Ferengi. 

An hour later, Jadzia found him at the bar five drinks deep. 

“I’m sorry, Jadzia,” he said, a slight slur to his words. 

She sat next to him and ordered water for them both, placing an arm around his shoulders. 

“Julian…” she started, uncertainty in her voice. “I knew you had a difficult relationship with your parents, but that… That was unexpected.” 

“Fuck Richard Bashir,” Julian groused. “He fucked up my life more than anyone will ever know, and I can’t even talk about it because it’s a secret!” 

Jadzia looked at him with deep concern knitting her brow. She seemed to consider the question before she asked it. Voice low, she asked, “Julian, did your parents abuse you?” The tenderness in her voice stirred something in Julian’s chest that he couldn’t quite name. 

“Not in the traditional sense, no,” he replied. “They never laid a hand on me, anyway. I need more whiskey.” Julian scanned the bar and spotted Quark. “Quark! Another whiskey!”

“No, Julian, you’ve had enough,” Jadzia objected softly, waving the Ferengi away. 

He groaned and placed his forehead on the bar. “It’s not enough if I can still feel things, Jadzia.” 

She passed a stack of cash to Quark and gathered Julian in her arms. “C’mon, let’s go somewhere you can lie down.”

“After all these years, you’re finally trying to get me into bed!” he joked, a giggle in his voice. 

“If thinking that will get your legs moving, then sure, Julian.”

*************************************************************************************************************

He was vaguely aware that he was in Keiko and Miles’ home. 

The bed beneath him was comfortable and wonderful and supportive. 

He closed his eyes to stop the room spinning, focusing on breathing slowly. 

“ - his parents showed up -” 

…

“ - a huge fight -” 

…

“ - arranged marriage -”

…

Maybe he was falling asleep. Or maybe he just didn’t care to really listen to the conversation in the other room. The door to the bedroom was open, and he knew that he could hear everything his friends were saying if he wanted to. His hearing was exceptional, after all. 

He rolled over and rubbed his face against the pillow. 

A weight at the edge of the bed caught his attention. 

“Hey, Julian,” Keiko said soothingly, placing a hand on his upper arm. “Miles and Jadzia went to get your car from Quark’s.”

“That’s nice of them,” he murmured. 

“It is,” Keiko agreed. She paused for a moment. “Julian, do you know what you’re doing when your residency is over in a few months? Have you been offered any surgical positions?”

“I thought I’d stay at UCLA. My friends are here. My boyfriend is here. UCLA is a great hospital.” 

“You’re right, you definitely have a life here.” She paused again. “Julian, do you think that maybe a change of scenery would help? I know it would mean leaving things behind, at least for a while, but it might be what you need.”

“What? Why?” Julian sat up. Too quickly. His head was spinning again.

“It sounds like you need some time and space away from your parents, somewhere they can’t just easily show up. There’s an opportunity… On Mars Colony One. They need medical personnel to help with the next stage of settling. The post would be for a few months. You could finish out your residency there, and there’s even a possibility of extending the post.” 

Excitement blossomed in his chest. This was exactly the kind of opportunity Julian had been hoping for when he started medical school. His mind was racing, but at least it wasn’t spinning from the alcohol anymore. 

“Oh my god, Keiko, yes! That sounds absolutely fantastic!” 

Keiko smiled at him warmly and squeezed his arm. “I’m glad you’re excited about it, Julian. Should I send your info to the program director?”

“Yes, yes, yes! Keiko, you’re wonderful.” He hugged her affectionately, careful to be gentle. 

She laughed and hugged him back. When the embrace ended, Julian lay back on the bed and almost immediately dozed off. He dreamed of space suits and terraformed landscapes and a whole new view of the stars.


	8. L.A. Devotte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the boys attend a premiere

“Julian, this really would be much easier if you held still,” Garak scolded lightly.

The tape measure brushed against his penis, causing him to inhale sharply and squirm again. Garak fixed him with a serious look. _‘Stand still or you’ll be punished later,’_ he thought, gritting his teeth. 

Garak kept taking various measurements and making notes in a small moleskine notebook. Julian did everything he could to not squirm as the tape measure tickled his skin and Garak touched him lightly. He tried not to think about the plug sitting snugly in his ass. That was more difficult. Obviously Garak was torturing him. 

After measuring the circumference of Julian’s neck and making one last note, Garak pressed a kiss just below his jawline. 

“I appreciate your cooperation, dear,” he murmured against Julian’s neck, one hand tracing the line of his spine. 

“You still haven’t told me what all this is for, sir,” Julian said breathily. He could feel Garak smiling against his skin. 

“It’s something of a surprise, though I promise you’ll enjoy it. Do be sure that you keep next Friday evening open.” 

“Yes, sir,” Julian replied. 

The hand tracing his spine lowered, curved over his bum, grabbed hold of the plug. A small squeak escaped him as Garak slowly pulled the plug almost all the way out.

A beat passed. 

Teeth sank into his shoulder and Garak slammed the plug back into him, drawing a pitiful whimper from Julian’s mouth. He pressed his forehead against Garak’s chest and wrapped his arms around the scaled torso. Garak continued to fuck him with the plug until his legs began to shake and his whimpers became little desperate sobs. Just as he felt the plateau begin to rise towards orgasm, Garak fully removed the plug and began tracing soothing circles on his back. Julian rubbed his face against Garak's chest. 

“Fetch me two lengths of rope, my sweet boy,” Garak instructed. 

Still feeling unstable on his legs, Julian walked to the dresser that stored all of Garak's toys. He quickly located the selection of rope. Garak hadn't specified a length. Julian opted for a medium length of the black cotton rope. 

Garak had moved to sit on the edge of the bed and was watching him with interest. Julian kneeled in front of him, holding out the rope for Garak to take. One hand gently carded through his hair. 

“I need you to stand.” 

He stood up and looked at Garak expectantly.

“How are you doing, Julian?” 

He shifted his weight between his feet, checking in with himself. Truth be told, this was the calmest he'd felt in a while. Before Garak had started taking measurements, they'd discussed what Julian needed today. He was thankful to have the chance to forget everything outside of this space. 

“I'm good, sir,” he said with a sincere smile. “Thank you for asking.” 

With a nod, Garak rose and began uncoiling one length rope, holding the bite with his thumb and index finger. 

He easily fashioned a cat's paw cuff and slipped it over Julian's wrist, tightening it until the rope locked comfortably in place. With second length of rope he repeated the process on Julian's oher wrist. Garak grabbed the ends of both lengths and crossed them around Julian's torso, forcing his arms to cross tightly against his chest. The rope was brought around his torso once more. Garak stepped behind Julian, bringing the ends up through the rope on his back and smoothing everything to ensure it was lying flat. Julian shivered a bit as Garak's hands brushed his shoulders, draping the rope over his chest and arms. Garak came back around to his front and grabbed the ends of the rope again. Down behind Julian's arms and back up, twisting around the v of rope on his chest, and finally tied off. 

Julian felt secure, comforted by the pressure against his chest. Briefly, he wondered if straightjackets were fashioned like this because the pressure of the self-hug was soothing, rather than to prevent a patient from harming themselves. 

Garak pushed his torso down to rest against the bed, running a hand along his back and bum. “Stay,” he ordered, hand vanishing. Julian could hear him open a drawer and rummage through the contents. A moment later, something firm was against his skin. The scent of leather hit him just before the paddle did. He yelped in surprise more than pain. 

As Garak continued to paddle him, Julian could feel the tension leaving his body. His mind felt blissfully empty. He let himself get lost in the sensation, unworried about what noises he might be making or how he looked like this. 

He almost didn't notice when the paddling stopped. Almost didn't notice that Garak was soothing the stinging, surely welted, skin on his bum. 

He absolutely noticed when Garak pulled him upright by the harness he had fashioned and turned him around to kiss him roughly. 

And suddenly he was on the bed, legs over Garak's shoulders. 

*************************************************************************************************************

Julian stared at himself in the mirror for a long time. 

Garak was carefully smoothing the suit and ensuring that everything was sitting just so on Julian’s frame. It should have been no surprise that Garak would create something that would make him look stunningly beautiful. 

The suit was cut perfectly not only to fit, but to fully flatter the shape of his body. The fabric was such a dark blue that it almost looked black in certain lighting. His white button down was crisp and bright beneath the deep color of the suit. 

“Just one more thing, my dear,” Garak said suddenly. 

Julian watched him in the mirror as he moved across the room to a dresser and picked up a long box. When Garak returned to stand behind him again, he placed the box on a side table and smiled at Julian in the mirror. Julian could swear that there was just a hint of nervousness on Garak’s face. 

“Are you mine, Julian?” he asked. His voice was low and serious, and the question had a distinctly different feeling than the times that Garak had asked him the same thing before. Something fluttered in Julian’s stomach. 

“Yes, sir. Always,” Julian replied, forcing himself not to whisper. 

Garak opened the box. Inside was a delicate looking collar, constructed from what was easily hundreds of tiny gold rings woven together into a sheet about two inches tall. Garak picked it up and unfasted it, bringing it to Julian’s neck and pausing for a moment. If Julian had looked up, he would have seen Garak studying him in the mirror. But his gaze was fixed on the collar. The craftsmanship was incredible. Now that it was closer, Julian could see how tight the weave was and how sturdy it must actually be. 

Slowly, Garak brought the collar fully against Julian’s neck and fastened it. 

Immediately, Julian brought his hand up to smooth his hand over it and feel the metal.  
“Garak, this is incredible,” he breathed, finally bringing his gaze back up to meet Garak’s in the mirror. Julian turned to face him. He almost melted under the smile that Garak was directing at him. 

“You are quite lovely, my boy,” Garak replied with a proud smile. “ But the night has just begun.”

*************************************************************************************************************

A barrage of bright lights flashed in his face. He did his best to stand there and look pretty as hundreds of cameras snapped his picture and reporters asked his name and who he was wearing. When Julian faltered, Garak stepped in smoothly to finish answering questions with a charm and charisma that soothed Julian’s nerves. 

As they finally escaped the horde and made their way into the theatre, Julian exhaled loudly and fixed Garak with the harshest look he could manage. 

“While I understand the want to surprise me, you _could_ have told me that we were attending a movie premiere! For a movie in which you designed the costumes! At any point on the drive over here, really. I wasn’t prepared for all that,” he said, waving an arm vaguely in the direction of the mob outside the theatre. 

Garak smiled deviously and leaned in close. “You and I both know you love the attention, Julian. In this suit, on my arm, you’re even more of an attention-grabber than your normal beauty grants.” 

A flush creeped up Julian’s cheeks. “I like attention from _you_ ,” he huffed. A beat passed. “Sir,” he added softly, looking at his shoes. 

With a low chuckle, Garak took hold of his hand and lead him to their seats.


	9. King of the Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Julian goes to Mars

“Look at me, Julian.” 

Julian bit his lower lip. His eyes had been fixed on the floor, but now he shut them tightly. It wasn't an order, the tone wasn't right. But he could hear the concern in Garak's voice. His fingers fiddled with the collar on his neck. 

“Julian, I said look at me.” 

That was an order. 

He winced, head still down. 

A deep, slow inhale. As he exhaled, Julian raised his gaze to meet Garak's. Those shocking blue eyes were fixed on him, looking straight into his soul. 

Everything tumbled out.

“Garak, I'm so sorry, I really messed up and I know that I should have spoken to you before even thinking about something so big and important but honestly I didn't even remember it until the letter came and I -” 

A firm hand on his shoulder brought him to a halt. His gaze must have dropped back to the floor as he spoke. He hadn't noticed Garak moving to him. 

“I'm afraid that I'm missing some details here, my dear. Why don't we start over and slow down? It seems like you're punishing yourself for whatever this is, and I don't appreciate it when someone else does my job.” Julian could hear the teasing smile in Garak's voice trying to ease his tension.

He took another slow breath. 

“Please don't be disappointed in me,” he exhaled, forcing himself to look up at Garak. 

“I'll do my best, dear,” Garak replied seriously. 

“I've been offered a medical position on the Mars colony.” 

Julian paused, waiting for some reaction, waiting for the punishment he knew he deserved. 

“Continue.” Garak's tone was frustratingly neutral. 

Hesitantly, he began again. “My parents arrived unannounced a few months ago, and it brought up some old issues. Instead of dealing with it like an adult, I got absolutely sloshed. A friend told me about this opportunity to go to Mars and offered to send my information along to the director of the program. Inebriated as I was, I agreed without really thinking about it. A few weeks ago, I met the director for what I thought was a casual lunch but was apparently a casual interview. And now I've been offered the position on Mars and I never even spoke to you about any of this.” 

The air hung heavy between them. 

Garak's hand left his shoulder. 

After a long pause, Garak asked, “Have you accepted the position?” 

“No,” Julian answered softly. When he looked up again, he found that Garak wasn't looking at him. The Cardassian had moved to a window, open to let in the warm air of early summer. 

He stayed where he was, seated on his knees a few feet away, afraid to break the silence. 

The passing time felt crushing. 

Garak sat down again, close enough now that Julian could reach out and touch him if he wanted. He did want to touch Garak. He wanted to lose himself into Garak. But he held his position, not wanting to violate the expectations of his role in their relationship. 

A scaled hand cupped his chin, forcing his gaze up. 

“I do wish you had spoken to me, Julian. About your parents and about this opportunity.” 

He tried to flinch in his self-disappointment, but Garak's hand held him in place. 

“Don't look away from me,” Garak ordered. “You will see me as I speak with you.” After a pause, he continued. “While we've only been involved a handful of months, I had hoped that you would know that you can come to me about issues such as whatever exists between you and your parents, and that you absolutely should come to me about things like moving to another planet. As your dominant, it is my job to help you process. I can't do that effectively when I don't know what's happening in your life.” 

“I'm sorry, sir,” Julian replied, feeling weak. 

“Is Mars what you want?” 

Silence settled between them as he thought. 

“It's a wonderful opportunity,” he finally said, the apology clear in his voice. “It's a chance to be at the frontier of medicine. I'd be working both to make sure that our first colony on another planet is healthy and to develop techniques that could make further exploration medically possible.” 

When he looked at Garak, there was a small smile greeting him. “You know your voice absolutely lights up when you speak about this?” 

“I… it's really exciting,” he murmured. 

“The night we met, you had the same excitement when you spoke about wanting precisely this kind of opportunity. Julian, I do think this is something you should pursue if your heart is in it.” 

Julian looked at Garak, struggling with a tumble of emotions and wants that all seemed in conflict with each other. He felt everything pressing against his chest, demanding to burst out. If he didn't say something, he was sure he'd die. 

“I don't want to lose you,” he finally managed, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Oh, Julian,” Garak replied. It felt different in Garak's voice. This wasn't the same parenting tone that Jadzia used with him when he was being dense. 

The distance between them felt too much, expectations be damned. Julian shifted closer and pressed his face against Garak's knee, wishing he didn't feel so childish. 

A hand stroked through his hair, nails just scratching the scalp. 

They sat that way for a while, neither one saying anything. 

“Come here, my dear,” Garak finally said softly, pulling Julian up into his lap. “I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to hear what I say, not to respond. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, sir,” Julian said, nodding. 

“You can't put opportunities like this on hold for a relationship. Any relationship. If the relationship is strong enough and worth keeping, things will work out. It will take effort to make things work out. But friendships and love affairs alike always take effort. I would hate to be the reason you lose out on something that makes you positively light up.” Garak's voice was smooth and warm as he spoke. 

“I would be on Mars for at least six months. Garak, as much as I don't want to lose you I also don't want to leave you feeling like you're tied to me when I'm gone for so long. Asking you to come with me would be entirely unfair, I wouldn't ask you to leave behind your career.” 

“I rather think I'm the one who gets to decide if I feel tied to you, my dear.” Garak pressed a kiss on to the underside of his jaw, his fingers gently tracing the collar he'd designed. “We can maintain this, Julian, even with the void of space between us. Is that what you want?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

An alarm whistled in the small quarters. Sunlight filtered through a window, falling across Julian's face. It still felt different, somehow, than sunlight on Earth.

Slowly, Julian pushed himself up to a sitting position on his cot. He looked around the space he'd settled into, not quite sure what he was looking for in that moment. The sudden desire for a hot shower filled him. A silly want. He knew that a traditional shower was still a ways off and he could live with that. 

He glanced at the clock on his small desk. 

Quickly doing some mental calculations, Julian decided he had time for a wipe down before his call to Garak. He made his way to the washroom in his quarters and grabbed the wet wipes and dry shampoo. 

Clean as he could be, he perched on the edge of his cot and watched the clocks. He wasn't needed in the medical facility for some time, but it still felt a lifetime until his scheduled call with Garak. 

He could feel anxiety building in his chest. 

Something in him told him to sit on his knees, folding his arms behind his torso so that each elbow was held by the opposite hand. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. 

_Inhale for 5._

_Hold for 3._

_Exhale for 4._

It wasn't surprising anymore that Julian heard these words in Garak's voice. He was pretty sure it was his mind's way of providing some small semblance of comfort and home in this environment. The anxiety was beginning to ease, and he held the pose for a while longer to bring himself into a fully relaxed state. 

The communications device chirped at him. 

Mildly startled, Julian opened his eyes and glanced at the clock. More time had passed than he expected. As the device chirped again, he quickly got up from the floor and picked it up from his desk. 

“Hello?” he asked tentatively. Communication had been difficult a few times in the past weeks, and Julian was worried that it would be again. 

“Good morning, my dear,” Garak replied, voice clear and warm. 

“Good morning, sir,” Julian said smiling.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As Julian walked from the medical facility to the bio lab, he forced himself to slow his pace.

Above him stretched a vast expanse of sky, hazey and not quite blue. He knew that he was surrounded by a bio dome that made it possible for him to breathe and for this whole colony to even exist, but for a few moments he could suspend his disbelief and imagine that nothing here was artificial. 

One day, he supposed, nothing here would be artificial anymore. Sure, it would have started out artificial, forced into creation by the work he and his colleagues were doing here. But eventually enough time will have passed. No biodomes, just open air and vegetation making it breathable and honest to goodness life where there hadn't been for entire eras. 

Julian would be gone by then. 

As long as he was here, it would still be artificial. 

But he could lay down the groundwork to make it real.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

One of the researchers had developed a cold.

Nothing serious on its own,but in a small colony in close quarters it could become an issue. She refused Julian's medical assistance. 

“I'm fine, Doctor Bashir. Really. Just need a day or two of rest. I'll stay in my quarters until this passes so it doesn't spread. If you really want to help me out, you could take over some of my duties in the atmo lab while I'm out. We're close to something great, I can feel it.” Janeway's insistence, coupled with the glimmer in her eye, had convinced him.

And so it was that Julian found himself in a different lab than he was used to, working on new problems and projects, working collaboratively to solve those problems. 

It was exciting. 

It wasn't medicine, but it was different and interesting and just a little challenging. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt genuinely challenged by something. Even his work here to develop medical care for future space exploration felt easily within his grasp. 

“I think the pressure is a bit off,” he said to the other researcher on duty. 

Tuvok, he reminded himself. The Vulcan was one of the very few non-human members of their little science colony. Julian didn't know much about him. He knew not to take it personally, but after a few months in close quarters Julian had hoped that some of that Vulcan reservation would have relaxed. 

Without replying, Tuvok moved to Julian's station to investigate. 

A few moments passed as Tuvok examined Julian's calculations and the little chamber at his station. 

“Indeed,” he said at last. His voice was tinged with a hint of vocal fry. “We can compensate by adjusting the temperature like so.” He made the adjustment, and a small cloud formed the chamber. 

Julian smiled and hurriedly noted the changes Tuvok had made. 

“You're king of the clouds, Tuvok,” he mused. 

“I am hardly deserving of such a title, Doctor Bashir,” Tuvok replied with a lift of his eyebrow. “Producing a small and unstable cloud is merely the first stage of my work here with Janeway. We need large scale, stable clouds to help with the terraforming process.” 

“Yes,” Julian said as he stood, “but this progress, Tuvok! It may be only a small victory, but it is a victory nonetheless.” 

“I agree that it is progress, but I will be saving my celebrations for the day we have an atmosphere outside our dome.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

He double checked the results of the most recent round of blood tests for the residents of the colony.

Since arriving here, everyone had been subjected to frequent treatments for the radiation they were constantly exposed to. It was a necessary evil for them, and regular treatment with potassium iodine, Prussian blue, and diethylenetriamine pentaacetic acid were a much better fate than radiation sickness or death. Julian hoped that his work on preventing radiation damage would be completed soon. He knew testing and approval from the various government agencies responsible for vaccines could take ages, but it was still exciting to feel like a part of history. 

The blood tests did, in fact, look good. Everyone was well within the safety parameters that had been set by Starfleet. 

Satisfied, Julian shifted his attention. 

The bio lab sat flush against the dome on one wall. Along this wall were several small doors which opened to containers that were exposed outside the protection of the dome. Julian opened each one carefully, bringing in each artificial biomass to examine for signs of radiation damage. 

As expected, the control was all but ravaged from the radiation. 

Some of the others, however, seemed to be in better condition. 

He took thorough notes on each biomass, noting which almost-vaccines seemed to be most effective and suggesting alterations to the composition that might yield better results. 

Over the last few months, Julian had made great progress with developing the radiation vaccine. At the beginning of his deployment, the notes he'd been left by the previous doctor hadn't seemed promising, nor were they up to the standard Julian expected. That was something else he'd made strides in during his time on the red planet. The progress he'd made was well-documented in his notes. He had to be careful, of course, not to make too much progress too quickly, or suspicions might be raised. 

It was frustrating to hold himself back. 

Especially given the way this work would improve the quality of life for the next residents of the colony and speed up Starfleet's timeline for deep space travel! 

He huffed a little to himself as he set about preparing the next round of trials. Earth had a decent diversity of non-Terran inhabitants at this point, and for the most part they had readily shared their knowledge of medical treatments related to space travel and terraforming new planets. A notable exception was the Cardassians. To be fair, most Cardassians on Earth were political refugees and not too keen on sharing information that could land them in further trouble with the State. Julian could forgive this. In any case, he felt that Starfleet should have developed a successful vaccine by now, with all the support from the extraterrestrial scientists offering up their research. It wasn't such a jump from, say, Vulcan health care to human. 

As he continued his work, taking detailed notes that he would have to leave behind for the next physician to work from, he calculated how long it would take for the vaccine to be fully ready without drawing unwanted attention.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Julian sighed heavily, happily, as he allowed himself to relax around the dildo Garak had sent him off with.

“I expect, my dear, that you will use this often while we're apart. I do hope you think of me as you do,” Garak had whispered to him as he handed Julian a box at the shuttle station. Julian had flushed deeply, glancing around nervously to see if anyone had heard. Of course they hadn't, Garak was too careful for that. 

Still, something in him at the moment had been thrilled at the thought of being aroused in public. 

A flush rose on his skin again as he remembered that moment. 

He began to pump the dildo inside of himself. Julian started slowly, letting his nerves reawaken to the familiar pleasure. For a while he stayed like that, fucking himself slowly and imagining Garak teasing him in the shuttle station and letting a fantasy unfold. 

He could picture Garak finding some secluded corner, pressing him against the wall. His free hand traced the surface of his skin. In his mind, Garak was kissing him sweetly to stifle the little moans that were escaping as Garak rubbed him through his trousers. 

Julian slammed the dildo into himself, striking his prostate deliciously. He gasped, louder than he intended. The flush in his skin deepened. He paused, listening for any sign that someone in the neighboring quarters has heard him and would raise protest. No protest came. 

He flipped himself over anyways, burying his face into his pillow and biting down. No longer worried that his cries would be heard, Julian began to fuck himself in earnest. He stroked his cock in time with thrusts of the dildo, picturing Garak fucking him right there in the shuttle station. The thrill and anxiety at being caught rushed through him. 

He groaned furiously into the pillow as he came. 

For several minutes, Julian stayed where he was, head down, tail up. His head was swimming from the climax. 

As the haze cleared, he started to clean up the mess he had made of himself and his quarters. 

A small smile bloomed on his lips. 

“One more week,” he murmured.


End file.
